Woo Hoo!!!

YEAH!!! I did it I finished the FAFSA. I first filled out one that was going to cost me $80 but I knew that there had to be one with no cost so I searched for about a half hour and found the one I used last year and it took me less time to fill it out last year. Because they did this pre fill out thing which was really handy.

FAFSA...This is the worst thing in the world

Today I started filling out my FAFSA. And I realize how much I hated it last year. I also just realized it is due tomorrow. WHY do I always wait until the last minute. I don't think my dad realizes how much the give out money. I really doubt I will get any and have a feeling that if I ever do go to college I will be borrowing money for it all.
Next thing I need to do is give some papers to my youth pastor and go talk to a teacher at the highschool and then my "personal statement" I guess it is called. The school I am applying to wants to know about my spiritual journey and my philosophy on life. That is going to be hard but oh well I have to do it and I have to do it really soon. This weekend would be a perfect time. I have at least one day that I am not doing anything that gives me a lot of time I just have to sit down and do it. Which I think is going to be the hardest part for me. Never mind it is all going to be hard for me.

Command and Conquer...

I really want to help people, well a few people in particular, but I don't know how. People tell me about their life and it always seems so horrible or at least it was. But the people I want to help, their lifes are still horrible. But it is hard to help when they don't want the help or don't know that they need help or they aren't here to help.

I am scared..

More like terrified. Terrified that I am never going to leave this place. Don't get me wrong I really do like living in Waldport. I am just scared that I am not going to go to college because it would be to uncomfortable It is out of my comfort zone I guess. I keep making excuses and I am getting mad at myself. People try to help me but I just try and push them away. I need to right an essay for a college I want to apply to and I need some help on it and am going to need somebody, probably a few people to read over it and there are a few that would be willing to but I am scared to let them. I am not a good writer and I hate that that is true but it is.

Thoughts, Questions, Feelings..

Have you ever had that ache in your that doesn't seem to ever go away. Maybe it isn't always a strong feeling but it is always there. Maybe you have no idea what I am talking about maybe you do. Well thats the feeling I feel right now.

What is love? Just a question on my mind.

I will be leaving this next year I am not waiting for my sister. It bugs me when people say that.


WHY? Why does my heart ache so much? It won't go away. As much as I want it to it won't.

I hope the church doesn't fall apart because we don't have a Pastor. It seems like that is all it can do now. I don't know a whole lot that goes on but to me a Pastor holds things together in a church. How is going to affect us all?

Lets dance..

It seems like I haven't posted anything for awhile so I have decided to post something.
Umm. My life has been pretty boring lately. I did get a couple phone calls from people I haven't seen in a long time. I also got to visit with one of them. I think that is the most exciting thing.
The pastor at my church left. He moved to California to be a pastor down there. So right now we are pastorless. It is sad. It is also weird. He has been there for 12 years. He has been there since the first time I went to that church.