Comets and shooting stars

This whole thing with my mother seems like a huge thing to me. It seems to always be on my mind. But when I mention it to other people about it they just brush it off. Am I making it bigger then it really is?
I want to talk to somebody about it but I don't know what to say. There really isn't much to say. But it seems like there should be. I don't even know how I feel about it. Actually I know how I feel about it but I don't know how to describe how I feel about it except for unreal but that doesn't seem to cover it all. That is just half of it.
I want to talk to my sister about it but it doesn't really seem like she wants to talk about it. Does she not want to deal with it? I want to. I used to play out in my head what I would say to her if she ever called and it would always be me yelling at her for leaving me and my brother and sister behind. Asking why? But when I was on the phone with her I was speechless and scared to say what was on my mind. She kept telling me how much she loved me and how beautiful we were. (she saw pictures on mine and my sisters myspace's) How good it was to hear our voices and all the things that you would think would be what I would want to hear. But it wasn't. I want her to say sorry. Sorry for abandoning us and sorry she wasn't there when I needed her the most. Sorry for waiting so long. It actually wasn't her that got found us online it was my brother and my sister-in-law. Traci told me that when she showed my mother pictures of us that she didn't believe it at first and then she justed started bawling. I have know reason not to believe Traci but if she loved me that much how come she didn't look for me herself.